Hip-Hop or Hip-Flop

Have you ever thought of trying one of those “fun” workout routines ??? I have. Correction, am presently trying. And it’s NOT easy. It makes me feel like digging a hole and burying myself in it.

So, the past year has been such a mixed roller-coaster ride. One thing I just could not do was to take care of myself – mentally and physically. I gained a lot of weight and was under a lot of stress. The whole weight-gaining process has barely stopped, I still cannot fit into clothes that I bought 5 months ago. It’s painful !!!

So, the news came, 3 days ago, that a close friend of mine is getting married and shifting to my city !!!!! HAPPINESS !!!

Realization — get in shape to look good at the wedding and fit into those gorgeous dresses… GAH !!!!!

I immediately decided to clean up my shit.

Since I’m too lazy to go to the gym and that process is quite slow, I decided to take the alternate route.

Yoga and the “fun” workout.

Yoga will give you a “shape” quicker than the gym. Tried and tested. Plus, I don’t believe it dieting. I do regulate my eating habits, but I’m not giving up a meal or carbs or sugar or dairy. That does not sit well with my metabolism. I just give up junk food, canned food, and soda drinks, that works wonders for me.

In the morning I do yoga for 45 minutes, it’s manageable. Yes, the stretching and all hurts, but not excessively since yoga is very accommodating and tells you not to rush. I am making progress and I feel lighter, relaxed and rejuvenated. My posture is better. I no longer sit like the hunch back of Notre Dame. Now, let me tell you, I had been practicing yoga previously but could not continue for the past four years owing to my mad schedule.

Now, let me tell you; I had been practicing yoga previously but could not continue for the past four years owing to my mad schedule.

So, my posture is improving quickly, the results may vary for you.

In the evening, I follow a 15-minute yoga routine coupled with a 24 minute of my “hip-flop” routine. And that, let me tell you, makes me feel like an uncouth ogre.

Let me clarify. Obviously, you know what belly-dancing is. That is my “hip-flop” routine. A belly dancing workout series called “Shimmy” is my new “fun” workout option. It’s available on YouTube.

Now the thing about belly dancing is that it expects you to have a certain level of fitness. It involves a lot of muscle isolation and moving them. You cannot be a football and expect to move gracefully like a vine in the wind, or frankly, move at all.

Let me illustrate how the workout goes….in my head…

Instructor – Let’s begin the warm up

Brain – yay !! new workout …

Body — whatever!

6 minutes later …..

Instructor — the next warm up exercise…

Brain—da eff !!! still warming up!!!

Body —what ???!!! it’s a complete burnout !!!!

After 10 minutes of warm up, the “fun” part starts to dwindle.

Instructor – move shoulder 4 times

Brain – ok, this is easy

Body – command accepted

Instructor – push the right hip out 4 times

Brain – ok, this is easy

Body – command accepted

Instructor – push the left hip backward 4 times

Brain – ok, this is easy

Body – command accepted

Instructor – watch the hands

Brain – what hands??? ok, the appendage attached to shoulder…monitor one more thing..

Body – the effort ……

Instructor – move the hip and hop on 3

Brain – new move …. focus….

Body – thank god for the change, 4 times is too much ……

Instructor – let’s pick up the pace and repeat

Brain –  remember faster

Body – have you lost it ???

Instructor – Let’s combine all the steps together

Brain – warning! warning! losing control ….left, what? right, where? hop? what? hands???? what do you do with them ???

Body – just quit already…

Instructor – Let’s pick up the pace and repeat the sequence

Brain – hop! turn! left! back! hands!!! hop! hip! right! no, left! no, back! diagonal movement! flop! hip! jump! hands! centre!

Body – let me die in peace…please

22 minutes into the routine…

Instructor – Very good! Let’s have some more fun! combine the moves as you like and dance away!

Brain – what ??? hop ! jump! hip ! ankle ! shoulder ! hop ! hop ! No,hip! Left, no right! Oh….eff it….

Body –  Just dig a hole already….

I forget what’s the difference between left and right, front and back, why the hell do we have arms and what in the world all this hop is about?

See the picture that’s attached with this post, I could not have found a more apt depiction. It’s just that I do not crash into the wall. Well at least, not yet.

Imagine a tired toadstool pretending to have two legs and trying a belly dance routine. That’s me.

But, I’m getting back in shape. It’s only my determination that keeps me going those 14 minutes after the 10 minute warm up in a 24-minute routine! My legs ache most of the times, but my bloating is more or less gone. My skin is already looking better. And, even though I feel beat…I still feel better because of my improved posture.

So, if you have lazy days…if a tired toadstool can belly dance, dude…you can definitely hit the gym.

If you have had any experience with a “fun” work out or work out tragedy or a weight loss fail or any fitness routine goofed up… leave it in the comments below and maybe I won’t feel like the only one who goofed up.